what's crazier than planning a wedding in 10 days?

What's crazier than planning a wedding in ten days? Deciding you need to make a handknit sweater to wear to the wedding in ten days. The stress of getting married does strange things to one's ability to tell reason from madness.

So Jason and I decided it was time to get married already. We took our happy heinies to the courthouse and got a license, just figuring we'd get married at the courthouse in two weeks, the soonest convenient time, . Then we started talking and dreaming about what we REALLY wanted, and my parents mentioned the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, coincidentally the site of our third date. We checked prices online, and our favorite little garden was only 300 bucks! Booked! But, uh, now we needed to plan a wedding. 1, 2, 3, GO!

I had a dress already, so that was done, but, apparently believing this planning-a-wedding-in-10-days thing didn't sound crazy enough, I decided I NEEDED to wear a handknit sweater. I'd been playing with the idea of a basketweave cardigan in the orange Malabrigo, and fortunately I already had a gauge swatch, so I just cast on the correct-ish number of stitches and went for it.

My mom told me about her friend whose son is a photographer. Sold! Actually, the conversation went something like this.
Mom: "Kathy's son Alex does wedding photography."
Me: "Great. Let's go with that."
Mom: "Are you interested in looking at his portfolio?"
Me: "Nah, I'm sure he's fine. Book him."
Mom: "Don't you at least want to see his pictures?"
Me: "Nah. How many ways can you screw up a wedding? I'm sure he's fine. Book him."
Mom: "Look, I've pulled up his website on the computer. Come look at his portfolio."
Me: "I'm sure he's fine-"
Mom: "Come look at his portfolio!"
Me: "Fine." looks "He's fine. Book him!"

The body of the sweater finished quickly, and I cast on for sleeves. I made nice long cuffs because I have the arms of an orangutan and can never find sleeves long enough. Also, my hands are always cold and I like to have sleeves long enough that I can tuck my hands in them for warmth. I sort of winged it when I got to the sleeve increases. They came out a little wonky at first because I couldn't decide how I wanted them to work with the basketweave pattern, but I got it figured out. They're in the armpit anyway and with this deadline, I wasn't going to kill myself with the details.

My little sister had wanted to perform my wedding ever since she found out that was possible. We poked around and discovered that the state of Georgia really doesn't care who marries you as long as all your paperwork is legal, so we got her ordained as a minister of the Universal Life Church one night. (Confession: she was drooling on a towel after emergency wisdom-teeth-removal surgery, so I actually filled out all the stuff for her. Shhh!) Officiant? Check! And for free!

The sweater body was done; the sleeves were done, and I was running dangerously low on yarn. I put in an emergency order to Eat.Sleep.Knit. for two more skeins. Two days later, the yarn showed up at my door. I love Eat.Sleep.Knit, and the delivery speed further cemented my obsession. Those people are like yarn ninjas!

Jason's only suit was old and ill-fitting, so that had to be replaced. Honestly, this was the most trying part of the whole wedding. Guy clothes are hard to shop for and expensive, and Jason hates to a) try stuff on, and b) spend money. We've always had a backup plan, for if the wedding didn't work out: murder/suicide. That plan got a lot of VERY SERIOUS CONSIDERATION over the agonizing two-day deathmarch of suit shopping. We finally got a very spiffy-looking, not-too-expensive suit, and I finished the yoke of the sweater. Handsome groom? Check!

I ordered a bouquet of daisies from a local flower store, and Mom made reservations at our favorite restaurant for the after-wedding-dinner (I guess you'd call it a reception, but it was just like a dinner with our families.) I finished weaving in the ends of my sweater the night before the wedding, and by some miracle, it came out perfectly. I'd tried it on as I went, and used The Knitter' s Handy Book of Sweater Patterns to help me figure out the sleeve and shoulder decreases, but this sweater came out far more perfectly than anything designed and knit in ten days has any right to. The knitting goddesses were smiling upon me.

The next day, we got married, with a short little ceremony, perfect weather, a beautiful location, and our families. It was exactly what I wanted. Plus, I got this really great husband out of it!

Just add water, and boom! (Nearly) instant wedding!

the best kind of distractions

No word yet from the job interview, and I have progressed from being on pins and needles to being on nails and railroad spikes. And possibly cacti.
Yesterday, after a grueling morning of having my gums violated by a sweet little sadist named Missy, who is concerned about my periodontal health and thinks the best way to fix things is by JABBING THEM REPEATEDLY WITH POINTY OBJECTS until I want to give up military secrets just to MAKE HER STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, my sweetie took me out, to take my mind off things and possibly to keep me from chewing on the actual walls in my call-back-related anxiety.
We had a tasty tasty lunch at Atlanta Bread Company (oh, bagels. Why must you be so delicious?), in front of their wonderful snuggly warm fireplace and ice cream from my favorite ice cream place which was located RIGHT NEXT DOOR. (Was there ever a clearer sign of God's sanctioning of tasty noms? I don't think so.)
Then we went to Eat. Sleep. Knit. I had never been before. OH. MY. GOD.
When I asked the very friendly staff lady the whereabouts of the Malabrigo, she said, "In the warehouse in the back." I might have had a yarngasm. An entire warehouse? Filled with Malabrigo? Yes, little Kimmy, there is a Santa Claus. I then asked, "Do I ever have to leave?" and she said, "No! You can live here!" I love her. She thinks I was joking. The joke's on her; I'm moving in next week.
It was, to put it lightly, incredible. Rooms upon rooms of yarn, all beautifully organized by type and color. A warehouse of Malabrigo and Blue Sky Alpaca and Misti Alpaca. The entire building was redolent with that delicious, dyed-wool, vinegar-and-sheep smell. Did I mention the WAREHOUSE of Malabrigo? I feel dizzy just thinking about it.
My sweetie bought me Christmas yarn, because he is the perfect man.

Malabrigo Chunky in Sunset, destined to become Abrazo

Madeline Tosh Vintage in Forestry, to make Norah Gaughan's Droplet hat

Claudia Handpainted, in a color I've been coveting for a loooong time: Copper Pennies. It's sock yarn, so it doesn't need a plan, but I'm thinking maybe Acorn Stash socks.

So now at least I have plenty to do while I fret. CALL ME, DAMMIT!!!

progress!

Here we have the lovely Paloma:

I reached a stopping point, put all the stitches on waste yarn, and put it in the stash to hibernate until more appropriate weather beckons.

The fit is great. Woo-hoo! I think I want to make it a leeeetle bit longer though. Full coverage on the girls and all that.

To celebrate, I whipped out a little hat in about three days (after about 47 false starts and gauge accidents. Why am I unable to accurately comprehend the size of my own head? It's a mystery, I tell you.)

And this teensy little thread is all I had left of the ball. I was so proud of myself; I wanted to use every last little bit of this delicious yarn. (A one-off hand-dyed by the lovely Reporebo, sadly on hiatus as she has come down with a bad case of grad school.)
Next on the agenda (and also giving me lots of trouble, due to my aforementioned ginormous melon-head), is this, also hand-dyed by Reporebo:

Yum!

giant turtles and knitting whining

In an effort to keep this from becoming the "all Shiny New Boyfriend, all the time" channel, I've uploaded our pictures to my Flickr page (twopointysticks, for those of you who want to suffer from nauseating cuteness, and also see me get mauled by a giant concrete turtle).

I turned the heel on the second Christmas sock for the Best Roommate Ever (after having drunk a glass of wine, I might add. Yes, that is enough to knock me on my butt. Yes, I am a prancing lightweight. I'm still awesome, with the sock heels, and the turning. Focus, people!) All I have left to do is the cuff, which makes for good movie knitting. The end is in sight! Still not bloggable, though. Just imagine all my other sock heels. Like that. Good.
My will to continue Paloma has completely fizzled out since blowing past the wedding deadline. And now that the weather has turned cold here (shut up! Sixty degrees is cold! It is too!), I want to knit chunky sweaters, and big warm hats, and cable-knit socks, not some wimpy little wispy lace thingy. I've promised myself that once I get to a stopping place in the pattern, I can put it aside for something else that got hibernated long ago. Or for yarn that has been in my stash so long that it's actually embarrassing.





Oh, my friends, how I've missed you.

the wagon and I have parted company

This year, I had a very determined goal to reduce my stash. I've had some of my yarn for a few years, and I was getting frustrated by always getting sidetracked. I like to be able to realize the possibilities of my yarn, and having too much makes me feel overwhelmed. I was doing so well, too. All of the knitting I've done for myself has been from stash, for like (. . . leafing through the archives . . .) the past year. Wow. That's crazy. I'm so impressed with myself. That's so much better than I would have thought. (None of the gifts have been, but gift yarn doesn't count, right? Right?) Then, well, I wandered into Knitch a few days ago, and it was my birthday, and, well . . .

Numma Numma Saucy, in Going Green

Numma Numma Saucy in Squeeze Cheese

and Lotus Aura, in Rumplestiltskin.

Then, because Cast-on Cottage sent me a coupon, seeing it was my birthday and all, I headed up there for a little day trip. This came home with me.

Louisa Harding Grace Hand-dyed, which will be perfect for this sweater, which I've been dying to make. And then, cuz it was my birthday (are you sensing a theme here?), my mom gave me this Blue-faced Bliss in New Spruce 2, by Impulse of Delight
I didn't so much fall off the wagon as wildly fling myself from it.

Feed the birds . . .

. . . as Mary Poppins says. Instead of feeding the birds, I've decided to do a bit of Habitat for Humanity for them. I've been saving my leftover yarn bits all year in a jar.

Jaymie is not impressed.

I cut them up into 4-6 inch lengths, and hung them from the tree out front.

Now it's a race to see who will find them first, the birds or the squirrels. I think Mary Poppins would be proud.

old friends

Please forgive me for my recent absence from BlogLand. I had to have (very minor!) surgery (really! Very minor! No need to panic!), and it really took it out of me. My schedule for the last three days has been: get up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, take a nap. I go back to work tomorrow, so fingers crossed that I'll have more energy. I should have gone back today, but I needed one more day to recuperate. And also I was really comfy and had two kitties sleeping on me. Details, details.

Hey, if this was the first thing you saw in the morning, you wouldn't want to get up either.

I hope everyone enjoyed the lovely snow the other day. I didn't get any pictures because I was way too busy running to the window every twelve seconds and squealing, "Snow! Snow!!!" The people who love me are very patient people, that's all I have to say. According to the weather people, we are supposed to get an inch of snow tomorrow. I'm baffled. This is GEORGIA, people. We don't get snow. And unfortunately, in my line of work, we don't get snow days. Should be exciting.

Unfortunately, I have no new knitting progress to show you. Isn't it funny that I always think I'll get so much knitting done on sick days, when what usually happens is I feel so sleepy I'm barely able to sit upright? But, fortunately, I realized a while back that I have several knitted objects that I've never shown the blog, mostly because they are in constant rotation so I never get the chance to photograph them. In honor of not having actual knitting content, here they are.

1) The very first socks I ever made (well, not counting Fuzzy Feet) in the wilds of a local coffee shop.


(narrated by David Attenborough) Look how bold they are! Just brazenly sitting right out in the open, in plain view, mocking all the store-bought socks. It's a perfect example of hand-knit sock behavior in their natural habitat.
Thanks, Dave, for your help. These socks were knit with Colinette Jitterbug in the Mardi Gras colorway. The pattern was a generic toe-up sock pattern from Sensational Knitted Socks, by Charlene Schurch.

In addition to flaunting my socks dangerously close to other people's beverages (dangerous for them, not me. Socks can be washed, but no one wants to drink something that smells like my feet. Or if you do, please don't tell me about it.), here we have another of my favorite handknits to flaunt:

2) A generic raglan sweater made from Blue Sky Alpaca organic cotton, using a pattern from The Knitter's Handy Book of Sweater Patterns, of which everyone should own at least one copy.

It fits beautifully, and it had better. I had to rip out and redo this puppy FOUR TIMES. It spent a year sitting in the bottom of my yarn trunk (the only truly cat-proof place in the entire house), thinking about what it had done. But, as they say, fifth time's the charm. I made about five different people verify my gauge before I started the last time. Alex likes it too.


3) Lastly, a scarf and hat set made from Gedifra Chandra, in colorway #7607.


Here we can see Jaymie sleeping on the scarf.


Do anybody else's cats do that? It's not enough that they're sleeping on top of a blanket on top of another blanket on top of a comforter on top of a mattress on top of a box spring. Oh, no. They need another layer, so they sleep on the scarf/sweater/pajamas/whatever as well. I wonder if I placed a single dried pea underneath the bed, if he'd feel it and wake up horribly bruised.

I'm extremely proud of this hat, because it marks important progress in my mental development: Finally Realizing How Big My Head Actually Is. Here we have a progression of three hats, my first, second, and third attempts to make a hat that actually fit. Notice how the final (successful) one is at least twice as wide as the first. Which is weird because I don't think I look strange or anything, walking around with a giant melon head. I guess I need a lot of space for all that useless trivia I have stuffed in there.


And now if you'll excuse me, I need to do some more recuperating by sitting in front of the TV, eating salty things and drinking carbonated beverages. All this healing is grueling, I tell you.

Put your money where your mouth is . . .

One of my dear friends, the Mad Crocheter, made a disparaging comment about knitted lace recently, and being that I love lace knitting, I took the comment a little more personally than was perhaps necessary. So to refute her and defend the honor of lace everywhere, I present to you some of my own lace knitting.


This is the Branching Out scarf from Knitty. It's one of the first projects I ever did, and I would highly recommend it. I see lace knitting the same way I see baking. In baking, you follow the directions, and suddenly, like magic, you have cookies! And everyone thinks you're brilliant, when really, all you did was follow the directions. Lace is the same. All you do is follow the directions and boom! Lace. It's fantastic.
Here's a closer view. I was a baby knitter and did not realize that one should not do lace out of nubbly cotton, but it turned out better than could reasonably be expected. The Knitting Goddess smiling on my ignorance, I suppose.




And here we have one of my very favorite knits, the Convertible shawl from Knitty, made with Plymouth Royal Bamboo. It turned out so wonderful, with great stitch definition and fantastic drape, substantial but not too hot on the skin for Georgia summers.

So the take-home message is this: do not be afraid of lace. Lace is your friend and wants to love you.

will to live . . . returning!

And thank god, because for a few days there, I was my very own cadre of dwarves: Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Achy, Phlegmy, and Irritable. Because what's more fun that getting sick? Getting sick WHILE starting your period! Fun! It was the really passive-aggressive type of sick, too, where the thermometer never registered above 99.4. If I feel this crappy, dangit, I should have an actual fever. But, hallelujah, the illness seems to be receding, I think I'm going to live, and I feel well enough to be happy about it.

In other news, the weather turned abruptly cold and crappy the day after Thanksgiving ("the forecast for today: cold and crappy, becoming extremely crappy in the afternoon. Tomorrow: continuing crappiness with a chance of wet and crappy in the evening.") And this is the state my socks are in.

Must knit faster.

post-Thanksgiving adventure: with socks!

On Friday, my mom, dad, grandfather and I went to Dahlonega, to see the sights, which included the beautiful Amicolola Falls. RPM sock #2 came along (because of course, riding in car time = knitting time). Last time you saw the RPM sock, it looked like this.


Just a wee little baby. Now it's grown much bigger, and ready for its first big trip on its own. Here it is at the base of Amicolola falls.

And by "base", I mean the point at which our party realized that we were all desperately out of shape and our butt muscles were too sore to continue climbing. It was embarrassing. Moving on.


Here is the sock courageously looking out over the summit of the falls. (You could drive there. Shut up.) The sock enjoyed the view.
In celebration of its first big adventure, the sock got a heel that very night. It's very proud of itself.


Look! Sock #1 has a buddy!



Big shout-out to the Yarn Harlot for getting this whole "socks in the wild" thing started.

Finally!

At long last, we have a lay-out!


This is what I did all Thanksgiving day. I lay all the squares on the floor and frowned and squinted and got up and moved them around and sat back down and frowned and squinted and moved them back and changed my mind, all day. I had to do this in the same room as everyone watching football, so whenever they got up, they had to move around the knitting that had taken over the floor. They were thrilled about this.

Alex approves.

So please! Comments, suggestions, derogatory remarks? Speak now or forever . . . you know the drill.

must maintain control of the sock yarn . . .

I recently realized that between Cat Bordhi, Cookie A., and the woman who dyes Toasty sock yarn, I may never knit anything but socks again. In fact, Toasty is so achingly beautiful, it's everything I can do not to spend all my rent money on sock yarn. To delay the inevitable yarn store falling-down, I'm taking the Yarn Harlot's advice and spending time with the sock yarn already in my queue.

Look how pretty we are!

Knit with us!

I must remember: I am a knitter of excellent taste. I have beautiful sock yarn with brilliant plans to knit it into gorgeous socks. I cannot do this if I buy a pallet-load of new sock yarn.

Wish me luck.

kipping!

Tonight was an evening of kipping and margaritas and causing everyone to wonder who the crazy loud swearing ladies were, and why the heck they were all knitting. (Kipping = Knitting In Public, for those not up on the cool hip knitta slang.)

The RPM socks in the wild.

can I get another HEEL YEAH!

Warning: I think the whole "heel yeah!" joke is very very funny. It is entirely likely I will keep using it every. single. time. I turn a heel. This could be a lot of times. If you find it annoying - well, um, actually I can't help you. How about you just go check out people who are funnier than I? Anyway, for those of you who are still here, check out my sock heel!


Monkey sock redux on larger needles was wildly successful and cured the Horrible Pooling of Yuckiness. I would have taken a progress shot before I got to the heel but, um, well, I have no excuse. I suck. It's a problem. I also started the second RPM sock, which I will show you tomorrow. Tonight, we drown Megan's sorrows with margaritas and tequila!

FO real this time!

Get it? Ha! I crack me up. (And as I reread that line, I realize that I am, right now, before your very eyes, turning into my dad.)

Ta da! The Windy City scarf, from Stitch and Bitch (by Debbie Stoller), made with Kerry's fabulous handspun, finally finished and perfect in every way.



And it keeps my neck snuggly warm. A word of advice, though. If you should want to make a cute little keyhole scarf out of one skein of unique handspun yarn which you cannot get more of because more does not exist anywhere in the world, knit only until you have a square and then immediately start the keyhole. Do not delay putting in the keyhole until you've knit and knit and knit, or you will get this.


Several people told me they didn't think it looked bad, but that is only because this photo does not show my face, which is rapidly turning blue due to the STUPID SCARF CUTTING OFF ALL OXYGEN TO MY HEAD. Stupid scarf.
And then I said to myself, "Self," I said, "I am a reasonably smart knitter. Or if not, then I am a really type A persistent-type knitter. I have fixed screw-ups before. I once dropped a stitch in a lace pattern and managed, using only my wits, determination, a crochet hook and a really bright light, to pick the stitch back up after only two solid evenings of staring at it. I can fix this."
So. I started by unraveling the end I had just bound off, thinking I would pick up stitches from the other end and knit down using that yarn. But no. That won't work, because the scarf is in 1x1 rib, and picking up and knitting in the other direction only works with stockinette and garter stitch.
OK, new plan. I would unravel from the cast-on end and use that yarn to lengthen the cast-off end. Except. Trying to unravel 1x1 rib from the cast-on end requires one to pick out every. freaking. stitch. Individually. This is only slightly less painful than plucking out all of your nose hair with tweezers, and slightly less fun.
OK, new plan. I can do this. I'm tenacious. I will cut the yarn at the cast-on end, where I would like the scarf to start, unravel enough yarn to cast off those live stitches, and then use the yarn gained to add to the cast-off end. I cut the yarn, painstakingly unraveled each. individual. stitch, and cast off-
Only to run out of yarn half-way through the cast-off.
At which point I yelled, "@#$%*& it!" ripped the whole thing out, and started over. ( @#$%*& being a word that my mommy doesn't want to think that I know.)
Fortunately it is a quick knit, so it only took a few days to redo, but please, learn from my mistakes. Only you can prevent scarf strangulation.