a knitter navigates through life

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


It's that time of year again. The winter solstice, the darkest night of the year, has come and gone. The sun creeps out earlier and sets a little later each day, but the weather turns increasingly cold. All sensible creatures hunker down and hibernate until spring. It's a time to reflect, repent, revise and resolve.
A friend's recent breakup of a five-year relationship has led to many deep discussions and ponderings about the nature of love. This recent comic also struck a chord of recognition with me. It depicts, with eerie accuracy, the course of um, all of my relationships. Because when I think back on them and on my exes, I don't miss them. I don't miss our relationship.
I do get lonely. I miss very much being special to someone. And I have a loving family and many friends who shower me with affection, and I try to soak up as much of that as I can to fend off the lonelies. But I miss having someone who thinks that I am special and wants to be with me and make me happy. Boys can be very cute when they want you to like them back. And I am both very cheap and very hermit-y, so a boyfriend is good for getting me out of the house and forcing me to try new stuff. The only time I ever go to movies is with a boy, and though I go out to restaurants weekly with friends, I don't eat. I am so tight, I squeak.
So I miss that. But I know (oh how I know), that the only thing worse than no boyfriend is the wrong boyfriend, and I would rather be lonely by myself than lonely with someone. Because there is no worse feeling in the world than being lonely with someone laying in bed next to you.

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