reflection

It's that time of year again. The winter solstice, the darkest night of the year, has come and gone. The sun creeps out earlier and sets a little later each day, but the weather turns increasingly cold. All sensible creatures hunker down and hibernate until spring. It's a time to reflect, repent, revise and resolve.

A friend's recent breakup of a five-year relationship has led to many deep discussions and ponderings about the nature of love. This recent comic also struck a chord of recognition with me. It depicts, with eerie accuracy, the course of um, all of my relationships. Because when I think back on them and on my exes, I don't miss them. I don't miss our relationship.
I do get lonely. I miss very much being special to someone. And I have a loving family and many friends who shower me with affection, and I try to soak up as much of that as I can to fend off the lonelies. But I miss having someone who thinks that I am special and wants to be with me and make me happy. Boys can be very cute when they want you to like them back. And I am both very cheap and very hermit-y, so a boyfriend is good for getting me out of the house and forcing me to try new stuff. The only time I ever go to movies is with a boy, and though I go out to restaurants weekly with friends, I don't eat. I am so tight, I squeak.
So I miss that. But I know (oh how I know), that the only thing worse than no boyfriend is the wrong boyfriend, and I would rather be lonely by myself than lonely with someone. Because there is no worse feeling in the world than being lonely with someone laying in bed next to you.