What else? Sock progress.

All this emotional turmoil is terrible for the soul, but great for the knitting.


Much progress has been made on the dancing flames socks. The pattern is simultaneously soothing and mesmerizing; it's great for those times when my brain is too full. I finished the second toe last night at Knit Night. I'm waiting to bind off the first sock until I see how much yarn the second one will take. So far I'm very impressed with the yardage, but I hate having tiny little balls of yarn left over. I like to do both socks toe-up and bind off both with only inches of yarn to spare. I live on the edge.

Very many thanks for the well-wishes and good thoughts sent my way. I appreciate it muchly; it helps to know people are thinking of me and rooting for me.

"What is this I'm feeling? Is it pain? Panic? Hunger? Am I hungry? Who's hungry?"
20 points to anyone who can tell me the origin of this quote

some ponderings about love, and why does it suck so much?

Someone is trying to reenter my life, who left very suddenly a year and a half ago, smearing my heart on the pavement behind him as he peeled out. And I am pondering such things as the nature of forgiveness, and when does someone deserve to be forgiven. And do I even want to bother?
This was the break-up that really broke me. I used to believe that I could do a relationship, that I was capable of being in a successful relationship, because who doesn't believe that? I don't believe that anymore, not really. I don't really think I'm capable of having a successful relationship. I don't really believe that relationships work, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. I don't see any point in trying either, because I'll just get attached, and a year and a half later, as soon as I let my guard down and start trusting a guy, he'll leave for no good reason, and leave me broken again. And it took so long to put me back together last time.
Is it even fair to blame someone else for all this?
Is it fair to try to restart a friendship with someone when all of this stuff is still roiling underneath the surface?
Is it fair to try to have a friendship with someone when sometimes you just want to hurt him as badly as he hurt you?
Would a friendship even be worth it? I have lots of friends, people who haven't betrayed me. Why would I bother trying to be friends with someone who has hurt me so badly?
But is it fair to cut someone out of your life for being a dumbass? He didn't mean to hurt me; he wasn't malicious. I don't think he could have handled it worse if he'd tried, but he didn't intend to hurt me. Does intention matter, or should one only look at the end results of someone's actions?
He's seems like he's getting his life in order, like he's actually becoming a real adult human being. And partly that makes me mad, and partly that makes me scared. Mad because, why couldn't he have done this when we were together, the jerk?!? And scared because I find myself thinking that maybe he's resolved all the things that were a problem in our relationship. And maybe there's a chance of us working out now. And I don't know if I really want that or not. But I hate change, so I'm afraid I'll be lured back into the madness by the comfortable and familiar. And anyway, I took a vow to make new mistakes, instead of the same old ones over and over again.
I'm so tired of guys leaving me and then a month later, a year later, whatever, telling me that dumping me was the biggest mistake they ever made. It's my curse. Gay men tell me that "if they could ever love a woman, it would be me" (not helpful, dude), and straight boys dump me and then regret it later (too late, jerk).
Basically, I'm wondering if my "hurt me and I will never have any contact with you again" policy is too harsh, or if it makes sense to protect myself.
And don't get me wrong; I like the idea of marriage. My parents have a great one. I like the idea of teaming up with your best friend to go through life together, someone who has your back and loves you even when you feel totally unlovable, someone that you may get pissed off at but you still love them and their strange little quirks. But apparently I want totally unreasonable things.

Ugh. They say getting all this out in the open is supposed to make you feel better, but I just feel like crap. Bruised and beaten crap. I'm gonna go curl up with the kitties for a while.

Because Knit Night just isn't Knit Night . . .

. . . unless I have my feet on the table, taking progress pictures of my latest sock, really close to people's beverages. (Don't blame my mother. She tried her best to beat some manners into me.) This is my latest sock, made from Cherry Tree Hill Sockittome. The colorway is "sugar maple", and the pattern is "scrolls" from Charlene Schurch's More Sensational Knitted Socks. I'm not really sure how this pattern is supposed to look like scrolls, but I love the effect it has on this fabric. I wanted these socks to mimic flames. Left to its own devices, the yarn would just make sort of variegated stripes, but this lace pattern makes it look as if the colors are leaping and dancing across the sock. Plus it's been super-easy to memorize and a really fast knit. I usually don't make a pattern more than once, but I can see myself using this again, perhaps with blues to imitate the swirls and eddies of a stream.

Also, if you look closely, you can see Gotta Knit's neverending (but gorgeous) blanket in the background.

FYI

I learned something very useful today that I feel the need to pass along, in the off chance it may help others avoid my fate. When one works at a place with only one bathroom and lots of male coworkers who are incapable of knocking first, one should be really, really careful to utilize all available locking apparati , lest one get barged in on by one of said male coworkers. How did I learn this, you may ask? Why the same way I learn everything: the really, really hard way. Excuse me, I have to go die of embarrassment now.

the best non-knitting use for a tape measure

Knitting to the X-Files was relating this story to me the other day, and I feel I have to share it with everyone I know, because she is a total genius. She was at some sort of gathering, and two guys were arguing about something, as guys do, back and forth, pointlessly. The whole thing had dissolved into a pissing contest, and KttXF was sick of listening to it. So she whips her trusty tape measure out of her knitting bag, slams it on the table, and yells, "OK, let's just settle this right now!"

Stunned silence. The guys stare at her in horror and disbelief and then, quietly, slink away, tails between their legs.

I want to be just like her when I grow up.

Valentine's Day recap

Apparently the guys in my office were concerned that, as a spinster, I would have a sad, lonely Valentine's Day. They needn't have feared. I spent my VD in the happiest place on earth. It was Red Wine and Chocolate night, and much fun was had by all. I got plenty of Valentine's Day kisses from this little cutie,

(I was too busy getting kisses to take a new picture) and lots of hugs from all my favorite people. I knit and laughed and ate and stayed up two hours past my bedtime (when the alarm goes off at 5:30, bedtime is little-old-lady early.) One of the regulars told us that she'd asked her husband if they could do Valentine's Day on Saturday instead, and he said, "Sure . . . hey, wait a minute. You're just saying that so you can go to knitting." She said, "Of course! You can't just MOVE Knit Night!" (What was he thinking?)

I also finished a sock toe. This pattern is making me so happy. I think I may have to marry it.

It was the best Valentine's Day ever. Thanks, Kim!

oh, the weather outside is . . . really nice, actually

As Gotta Knit pointed out, spring seems to be springing already, even though it's only mid-February. As much as I hate winter, I'm not ready for spring yet. For starters, I haven't nearly finished all my wintertime knitting; you know, the stuff you save for when it's really cold and miserable and you start to wonder if you'll ever be warm again. Apparently I will be, so I need to get a move on. I cast aside Hedera to start work on these two beauties:

This is Cherry Tree Hill that I got in St. Louisin the Sugar Maple colorway. I've swatched, cast on, and finished the toe. (Yes, I swatch like a fiend. Even for socks. I'm obsessive-compulsive like that.)

And this, the most beautiful yarn on the planet, is laceweight Malabrigo in Pearl. It's a soft, soft grey with touches of pale pink. I love this yarn so much it makes me want to weep. It's destined to be the Seraphim shawl by Miriam Felton. Initial swatching tells me that making this yarn work for that pattern might be interesting, but I am nothing if not stubborn.

When I get home this afternoon I'm going to give the kitties a thrill. When it's warm enough, we throw open all the windows so they can sit and watch the squirrels. It's their favorite thing ever. Anything to keep the kittens happy.

where are my cabana boys??

I'm marooned in the middle of Sleeve Island, and my cabana boys are nowhere to be found.


Sleeve Island is no fun without hot shirtless cabana boys to serve you fruity beverages with little paper umbrellas in them. And I would really like the fruity beverages, because this is the part where it starts to get dicey. I don't have enough yarn to do the whole sweater in brown (sob). So I was going to do the body and sleeves in brown, then switch to pink for the yoke, then red. Unfortunately, I would like the point at which the sleeves and body change to pink to match each other, because I'm crazy like that. (Homemade is good; weird and crappy is not.) I have about 14 inches of sweater body and 15 inches of one sleeve, and no more brown yarn. So (and I knew this would probably happen, but I think I just went "lalala I'll think about it later" and went off to my happy-land) now I have to tink back the sweater body and use that yarn to make the other sleeve. Let's hope I can get everything to match up without having to get completely crazy.

Oh, yes. The kitties would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day.

This is about as cuddly as they get with each other. They are manly kitties. They do not snuggle.

Just a quick FO and an obligatory cat picture

Because really, what else do I post?

Here are the completed baby cable rib socks, resting in the happiest place on earth. I finished them on Wednesday and they are every bit as soft and comfy and snuggly as I could wish.

I think these are going to be "home only" socks, because the heels, toes and cuffs are made from Cashsoft 4-ply, which is not reinforced, so I don't think it will wear well. They will be perfect for lounging around or wearing to bed on frosty winter nights.

I was greeted by this sight Thursday morning:

Jaymie will sleep on the laundry if he has to contort his big butt to do it. He is determined.

you know this knitting thing is getting out of hand when . . .

I love sweaters. Love. Them. I own, well, probably more sweaters than I want to admit in public. I got into knitting for the sweaters. (Although if I had realized how much work it would be, I might have had second thoughts. But I didn't, so I didn't, and I'm glad it worked out that way.) I love everything about sweaters. Owning them. Wearing them. Shopping for them. Only, I noticed myself doing something a little odd lately.


Instead of shopping for sweaters, I'm leafing through catalogs and magazines and ripping out the pictures of sweaters I like. I'm not shopping for sweaters. I'm shopping for sweater inspiration. All I can say is, the owner of my favorite LYS is going to be thrilled with the increase in my yarn-buying habits.

R&R & vegan cheese

Just the way to unwind after a long day at work: vegan "cheese", Pride & Prejudice, and Hedera.

random acts of cuteness

I spent a lovely evening yesterday at Knitch, the happiest place on earth, communing with my fellow knitters and listening to the soothing click of the sock needles. I can't think of a better way to spend a rainy evening. I used up all the pink yarn on the baby cable rib socks

and now I'm going to use the purple to finish the cuffs. They are so soft and squishy and wonderful. Much like this little cutie:

Miss Olive Pickles, shop dog (along with her brother, Tank), and kiss-giver extraordinaire. (If she's really fond of you, she is also an excellent face-bather and nostril-cleaner. That last one is always a bit too much commitment for me, but her heart is in the right place.) Isn't she the most adorable thing you've ever seen? I can barely resist smuggling her home in my bag.

There was also cuteness on the home front this morning, regarding Jaymie and his delicate constitution, which requires him to sleep on handknits (or in this case, handcrochets):

Mad Crocheter, Jaymie would like you to know that your hat makes a completely acceptable bed for one of his ten daily naps.